10 effortless tips on how to make friends

Making new friends can be hard. I have always struggled with this and I know that others do as well. In today’s post, I will share 10 tips on how to make friends.

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My Past

For 20 years, I went to the same church and lived in the same town. I knew everybody and everybody knew me. People would sometimes say that getting to know people was hard and I would be confused because I had never known that to be true.

But one day all that changed. About 5 years ago, my husband and I moved from one end of the country to the other. We had no choice but to start all over and make new friends.

I discovered that making friends at a new church can be hard. My husband and I have worked at making friends and can now say that we have many close friends.

I discovered that making new friends as adults can be hard. My husband and I have worked at making friends and can now say that we have many close friends.

If you are new in town or at a school or church and have not made friends yet, here are  10 tips to help you make new friends.

I mainly focus on making friends at church, but these tips can be used in any setting.

10 tips on how to make friends

1. Say hello                                                       

Proverbs is a book of wisdom. In it, we find the secret to making friends,

Proverbs‬ ‭18:24‬ ‭ NKJV‬‬ says: “A man who has friends must himself be friendly…”

To make friends, one must be friendly. It might sound simple, but one way to be friendly is to say hello.

At church, there are many opportunities to say hello. This might be during the service where you are asked to turn around and greet each other, or it might be before or after the service. When trying to make friends saying hello is the first step.

The church we go to has about 400 people. It’s hard to get to know everybody. In the first year of going there, my husband and I decided to sit in a different spot every week and to try to say hello and meet as many people as we could. Now, we recognize and know many people in our church.

2. Make the first step

Churches are usually friendly but sometimes people are busy and don’t notice new people. Instead of waiting for people to greet you and invite you to events I suggest that you make the first step.

You find people to say hi to and introduce yourself. If you wait for people to invite you to events it might be months before you get to know people.

3. Start with people in your demographics

When we first moved to our new city I was 7 months pregnant and had a 3-year-old. The first place I made friends was in the nursery taking care of my baby. The church we go to has many people in the same stage as we were in and it was an easy way to relate.

Friendship usually starts over a shared experience. Bonding over children, work or your stage will help you connect to people quickly.

4. Go to events

Most churches have events going on throughout the week. One way to get to know people is to pick some events and go to them regularly.

Just by going people will start recognizing your face and will greet you and want to get to know you. Some of these events may be bible studies or children’s programs. If your church does not have any events, maybe they need you to plan one.

5. Be hospitable

Sharing a meal has a great way of bringing people together. One way to get to know people better is by having people over for a meal.

My husband and I would open the church directory and pick a family or person to invite over for a meal. Over the years, we have had many people over. Some of these people have turned into close friends.

6. Follow-through

The first hello and interaction are the easiest. It’s the follow-up that can be hard. If you suggest to somebody that you want to hang out…. follow through and make the plans.

Take out your phone and choose a date that works best for you. There have been too many times when somebody has said: let’s do coffee, and then they never actually make the plans. Be a person of your word and follow through.

7. Make the effort and stay in touch

Life can get busy. One of the first things that go when having young children is friend time. So I know how hard it is to juggle kids, husband, church, work, and friendship. But friends are the people who keep us sane, and honest. So, it’s important to take time and keep the friendship going.

If there is somebody that you want to spend time with no they have not contacted you, then you make the effort.

In high school no university, this was the part I struggled with the most. I still do. For some reason, picking up the phone is scary to me. I was lonely and wanted friendship but did not know how to reach out. Since the idea of calling people scared me, I spent many lonely nights in my basement.

Now, calling still scares me, but I know that making plans is better than waiting. Maybe your friend is lonely too and can’t seem to pick up the phone. You never know who you are saving from a night alone at home.

8. Branch out

Maybe you go to a church that does not have anybody your age. If that is the case, don’t neglect people who are not your age or in your stage.

‬‬ The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

Titus‬ ‭2:3-5‬ ‭NKJV

How can any of this happen if we only make friends with people our age? It’s important to branch out and get to know people of all ages.

In university, my mother started a weekly seniors’ lunch. I would go every week to help out. It was the highlight of my week and I got to know many of the elderly people in our church. I counted many of them as close friends.

9. Don’t give up

My husband and I reached out to a few people we thought would be close friends. But due to busy lives and schedule conflicts, some of those friendships never went any further. It’s not that those people were not nice or not willing, but they were already living a full life at the time and did not have time to commit to more.

Instead of being hurt and shutting down, we moved on. My husband and I just found other people to reach out to and tried again.

Friendship comes with trial and error. It might not happen right away or with the first people that you get to know. But if you keep trying eventually you will find the type of friendships you are looking for.

10. Be realistic

Making deep and lasting friendships take time. It’s important to be realistic and to know that deep friendships take time and effort.

Close friendships don’t happen overnight. If you take the time and effort to put yourself out there and keep working at it, you will find yourself with close friends soon enough.

The first year in the new area I said hi to a woman at a lady’s retreat. She was nice and I liked her. A few months later, I found out she lived in my area. Through getting to know her at bible study, we started to meet during the week at the park, then at each other’s homes.

Now, she is my closest friend. We did not start off as close friends, but with time and effort, she has become somebody I depend on for friendship.

I hope that by following these tips, you will be encouraged and will develop deep and lasting friendships.

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In the comments below, share how you make friends.

57 responses to “10 effortless tips on how to make friends”

  1. Bria | Tendril Wild Blog Avatar

    As an introvert, I can definitely say that branching out, following through, and working to keep in touch are all areas that I struggle with. This is a good reminder that I need to be a little more open-minded and persistent in this. 🙂

    Latest on the blog: Spring is Blooming with JORD Watches (+ a GIVEAWAY!)

    1. anne.markey1@gmail.com Avatar

      I have a hard time with these things as well but I have found that the effort is well worth it.

  2. Shann Eva Avatar

    So many great tips! It really is much harder to make friends as an adult. When we first start having children, none of our friends were at the same stage in life. It felt like we had to start over making friends with people that were or had kids. We then moved. Now, that we’ve been here a couple years, it has been getting easier, but it was really tough at the beginning.

    1. anne.markey1@gmail.com Avatar

      Your so right! It is hard to make new friends and it might take time but it’s worth the wait.

  3. Sirri Avatar

    I have zero real friends anymore. I really like this I’d love to make new mom friends!

  4. Melody Rosa Avatar

    This is great for my introverted friend def showing this to her
    http://sheismelrose.net/

  5. GiGi Eats Avatar

    I have found ALL of my best friends through BLOGGING – ha! So that’s my way of making new friends! 🙂

    1. anne.markey1@gmail.com Avatar

      Yes, great way to meet new people

  6. Meghan Avatar
    Meghan

    As I grow older I realize it is so much more harder for me to make new friendships. Following through is such a big deal in all relationships!

    1. anne.markey1@gmail.com Avatar

      We have found that the on
      Oder we get, the less time we have for others so it’s hard to make deep lasting friendships or starting from scratch. But, we have also seen how important these types of friendships are and they they are worth the time and effort.

  7. Carol ("Mimi") Avatar
    Carol (“Mimi”)

    I’m an introvert, so I don’t make friends easily or gregariously. But — I’ve been in church choirs all my life, either as a singing member or as the choir director. I’ve always met the most wonderful, friendly, warm, accepting people in church choirs. Anyone with musical interest should look to joining a church choir if they want to make friends.

  8. Jennifer Avatar

    Oh my, these are right up my alley! I have trouble with all of them. I find it easy to interact online of course, but in person, I get the jitters and butterflies and constantly talk myself out of being proactive about making friends. Thanks for the confidence boost and tips!

    1. anne.markey1@gmail.com Avatar

      I am the same way!! I have no fears when it comes to relating to strangers, but the thought of making deep friendships with the people around me scares me so much. It’s something I am working on.

  9. Lisa Jones Avatar

    Quite profound. I don’t struggle with social anxiety personally, but my daughter does. Thanks for the insight!

  10. Sue Tanya Mchorgh Avatar
    Sue Tanya Mchorgh

    I love your blog. Great post.

  11. Leah Avatar

    I love this post. I moved away from my family and friends in 2015 and still feel so much like an outsider. I am going to work these steps one by one!! Thank you!

  12. candy Avatar

    First just get out there in the world. People at work, church you attend. Volunteer at something you are passionate about. It will happen.

  13. Poonam Avatar

    This is such a great post! I agree with all of your tips. Staying in touch can be hard with everyone’s busy lives, but it’s so important.

  14. jehava Avatar

    Really great tips that I have used to make some great friendships! Being hospitable is such a game changer!

  15. Sarah Frank Avatar

    My husband and I are contemplating moving out of state, away from all of our family and friends, and the only thing I’m afraid of is not meeting people. These tips definitely make me feel less anxious about potential moving. Thank you!!

    1. anne.markey1@gmail.com Avatar

      Moving away from family can be hard, but if you put a bit of effort and get involved at your church, or local school or whatever, friends will be waiting.

  16. Millie Avatar
    Millie

    Amazing very much needed post thank you!! my husband and I struggle to make friends. We don’t live near out childhood towns either and for the last 5 or so years have lived in an amazing community with an amazing church and we have still yet to make any real solid connections I am super involved with church and different other church groups but when it comes to real friends I would say the follow up and hospitality I’m pretty bad about. my husband and I are both introverts so talking to anyone is a real drain and even though we still need it we avoid it. Defiantly going to try out these tips thank you

    1. anne.markey1@gmail.com Avatar

      It’s so hard when your an introvert. I understand the struggle. Sounds like you have a good foundation to build on.

  17. Malissa at Quotation Re:Marks Avatar

    this is great advice – I would even add “look for fundraising events” I recently participated in some and found that it was really easy to talk to people I didn’t know. add that to being friendly, and following up and you’re on your way! 🙂
    Great post!

    – MG https://malissagreenwood.com/

  18. Tamara @ Parenting 2 Home Kids Avatar
    Tamara @ Parenting 2 Home Kids

    Being involved in church has been a great place for me to make friends. I have also made friends at business networking events. Friendship is one of the important elements of life.

  19. Sarah Althouse Avatar

    Being hospitable is big for me because I’m kind of shy in groups, but do very well in my own home where I can serve people a meal!

  20. lola Avatar

    thanks for this, i am trying to make more friends esp as an introvert so its kind of scary for me to just approach people and make the first step, but trying to build the confidence to do so.

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