I am honored this week to share with you Rose’s story. She is married to a man who has ADD. I think her story will help others. To connect with Rose, you can find her: on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter or at her website Rose Barnett.
A.D.D. in Marriage
I Can’t Think!
Your husband feels stuck, you feel stuck. He wants to go forward and be the knight in shining armor, to lead and make confident decisions, but he is lacking. He is lacking in the ability to think clearly and fast. You, on the other hand, may have it all together. You can think, plan, adjust, re-arrange, organize, speak, foresee and do all the things inside he wants to do, but can’t. It feels like he won’t! It feels like he just is sitting around in la-la land while you struggle and strain to make your family just the way you envisioned.
You feel alone. It’s hard to even explain what you are going through to someone who doesn’t have that issue in their marriage (or even in their life). How do you explain that your husband just can’t think the same, although he may be intelligent? It’s so isolating at times, you can’t even talk to him about it (again). You might even wonder, did I marry the right guy?
As a wife, our main position is one of submission, but in every reality of it, you are guiding. Or are you? I have dealt with a lot of frustration in my own marriage because of my lack of submission (even though I thought I was there!). I only could see his lack of leadership! How funny is that? Many times I have not even equated what was going on to ADD. I didn’t see that it was a real driving force. My husband couldn’t see how this was affecting us either, although he did see that his lack of leading was breaking us down in a BIG way.
The husband is in the position to lead but honestly we need to take a step back. We wives need to see that this isn’t about him leading. No, it really isn’t. It’s about if we are following…God. I know, I know! I’m right there with you saying:
Of course I’m following God. I’m praying, reading my Bible, trying to follow in Jesus’ steps.
Of course I’m following God. I am doing my best to be submissive even when my husband doesn’t know how to lead.
Of course I’m following God. I am a Christian, aren’t I?
Yes, all of that is true. But in your husband, God is doing things. In you too. Think about allowing God to work in you in these 3 ways.
3 ways God works in your marriage
This is huge! Having a leader who just isn’t as quick to the punchline as you are given the opportunity for you to grow in patience. Allowing time for him to make a clearer judgment and even allowing him time to SEE that there needs to be a judgment made on a topic. When the words come out wrong, when the decision isn’t made, when the issue isn’t foreseen (yet), this is just the time for you to allow God to work in you.
You are probably already praying, but are you regularly praying for your husband? Praying for his leadership skills to grow? Are you praying for his mind to think clearly and rationally? How about for solutions, medicine for some, natural means for others? Prayer is our communication with God and it allows us to grow closer to Him and really know Him. He wants us to seek Him and keep on seeking Him in prayer.
Ok, take a deep breath. I have to take one too. When we know God’s purpose for our lives, it does make many things seem good that we thought once was bad. Have you ever considered God’s purpose of allowing ADD in your marriage? What is God teaching him, teaching you? For Christians, everything works together, not just for our good but for our sanctification. Growing us in Christ through the humbling effects of ADD.
I wish there was a whole, true, permanent answer to the whys and hows of dealing with ADD in marriage and in life. But God does have a purpose and plan for it, and for you dealing with it. Seek Him specifically, daily. There are some answers and some help, but we gotta know and see this is a spiritual issue as well.
I hope that if you have a spouse with ADD that you are encouraged and know that you are not alone.
How has ADD affected you??