When I was a teenager, I was attending a bible study with older married women. Some of the things they said, at the time, made no sense to me.
They said things about their marriage like:
- We never spend any time together.
- We never see each other.
It confused me, because at this point, I was dating and thought: How can two people who live in the same house never see each other?
I have now been married for ten years and completely understand.
Life is busy! Just being in the same living space does not make you close to one another.
It’s easy to let kids, work, or even The Lord’s service get you so busy you don’t have time or energy for your spouse.
If you neglect time with each other, soon enough you will become like roommates or just people who help each other raise the children.
According to W. Bradford Wilcox and Jeffrey Dew “People who spent quality time with their partner at least once a week were 3.5 times more likely to report being ‘very happy’ in their relationship compared to those who didn’t. Quality time can strengthen your relationship in several ways.”
The Right Type of Time
In ten years of marriage I have discovered that it’s not the amount of time you spend together that matters, it’s the quality of the time you spend together that counts.
Quality time does not need to be some elaborate date or a rare experience. It can be at your kitchen table, or in the living room doing something you love.
During our busiest times in life my husband and I will just sit at the kitchen table and drink tea together. This would maybe take 10-15 min, We just sit together at the table and talk about our days. We discuss things that are coming up in our lives. Lately, we have taken more time to pray for each other, our children and the people we know. Those times together have been the most special because we are having real and deep conversations. They sometimes don’t last long, but just spending those minutes together connects us in a meaningful way.
4 ways to make time for your marriage
Schedule a regular date
Once a year, my husband and I will sit down and think about the next year. We will talk about our commitments and everything we need to do.
We both understand that we each need family time, alone time, service time and guy/girl time and together time.
All these commitments are hard to juggle, but we make it work. We know that we won’t have time each week for all of those things. So, we schedule our days so that we can balance all these things.
One thing that we find important is having a regular date night. For us, that means that once a week we have no other commitments and it’s a time for just the 2 of us. We often just stay in but it’s a night we can both count on having together.
Set a time
Maybe your schedule is insane or you have a hard time dedicating one night to date night. If that is the case, then consider having a set time each day when you can connect with each other.
For my husband and I, no matter what is going on in our days, we always try to call each other at lunch. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and we can’t talk so we will leave a message. I always look forward to the lunch time call. It’s a great way to break up the day, but to catch up on our day.
I am not a morning person, so my husband often leaves the house with only a kiss goodbye. Most days, our lunchtime phone call is the first time we have talked all day.
First things First
When my daughter was one, my husband went back to school full-time. He was a dedicated student and was top of his class that year. That accomplishment took time.
But, no matter how much time he spent doing homework, he always spent time with us first.
He would spend all day at school, then come home and have dinner with us. After dinner, he would play with our daughter and put her to bed. After her bedtime, we would spend 10-15 min just chatting and then he would get to work.
I knew his school work was important, but by spending time with me first, he showed me that I was more important and that he always had time for me.
Even now, my husband often will do work at home at night, but only after he has spent time with me first.
Your marriage should be at the top of your priority list. If your life is too busy with other things to have some regular quality time together, it may be time reconsider everything you’re involved in.
My husband and I say no to many things to be able to have time with each other and with our kids. For us, our time together is more important so we regularly say no to many good things.
Since our children are still small and we have to drive them we have decided to only do one extracurricular activity a week.
There are many good things that we could be doing or could be a part of. But for now, we have said no to many things so that we can focus on hanging a balanced life. One where we don’t hectic or overrun with responsibilities.
Each marriage is different so what may work for my husband and I may not work for you.
Some couples thrive on busy social lives. The most important thing to do is to make sure that what you are doing is strengthening your marriage.
What do you do to make time for your marriage??
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