How ADHD Affects Marriage

Marriage takes work. But some marriages face different struggles than others. Today, I am going to share with you how ADD affects marriage.

I am honoured this week to share with you Rose’s story. To know more about her, see her bio at the end of the blog post.

A picture of a couple holding hands. You can see there lower arms and their hands. They are interlocking pinky fingers. Above the picture are the words: How ADD Affects marriage. You are not alone. Below the picture are the words: www.onedeterminedlife.com

What ADD looks like in Marriage

I Can’t Think!

Your husband feels stuck, you feel stuck. He wants to go forward and be the knight in shining armour, to lead and make confident decisions, but he is lacking. He is lacking in the ability to think clearly and fast.

You, on the other hand, may have it all together. You can think, plan, adjust, re-arrange, organize, speak, foresee and do all the things inside he wants to do, but can’t. It feels like he won’t! It feels like he just is sitting around in la-la land while you struggle and strain to make your family just the way you envisioned.

You feel alone. It’s hard to even explain what you are going through to someone who doesn’t have that issue in their marriage (or even in their life).

How do you explain that your husband just can’t think the same, although he may be intelligent?

It’s so isolating at times, you can’t even talk to him about it (again).

You might even wonder, did I marry the right guy?

These are the realities that I face every day and how ADD affects marriage.

How ADD Affects Marriage

As a wife, our main position is one of submission, but in every reality of it, you are guiding. Or are you? I have dealt with a lot of frustration in my own marriage because of my lack of submission (even though I thought I was there!).

I only could see his lack of leadership! How funny is that? Many times I have not even equated what was going on to ADD. I didn’t see that it was a real driving force. My husband couldn’t see how this was affecting us either, although he did see that his lack of leading was breaking us down in a BIG way.

The husband is in the position to lead but honestly, we need to take a step back. As wives, we need to see that this isn’t about him leading. No, it really isn’t. It’s about if we are following…God. I know, I know! I’m right there with you saying:

Yes, all of that is true. But in your husband, God is doing things. In you too. Think about allowing God to work in you in these 3 ways.

3 ways God works in your marriage

1. Patience

This is huge! Having a leader who just isn’t as quick to the punchline as you are given the opportunity for you to grow in patience. Allowing time for him to make a clearer judgment and even allowing him time to SEE that there needs to be a judgment made on a topic.

When the words come out wrong, when the decision isn’t made, when the issue isn’t foreseen (yet), this is just the time for you to allow God to work in you.

2. Prayer

You are probably already praying, but are you regularly praying for your husband? Praying for his leadership skills to grow. Are you praying for his mind to think clearly and rationally?

How about for solutions, medicine for some, natural means for others? Prayer is our communication with God and it allows us to grow closer to Him and really know Him. He wants us to seek Him and keep on seeking Him in prayer.

3. Purpose

Ok, take a deep breath. I have to take one too. When we know God’s purpose for our lives, it does make many things seem good that we thought once was bad. Have you ever considered God’s purpose of allowing ADD in your marriage?

What is God teaching him, teaching you? For Christians, everything works together, not just for our good but for our sanctification. Growing us in Christ through the humbling effects of ADD.

I wish there was a whole, true, permanent answer to the whys and hows of dealing with ADD in marriage and in life. But God does have a purpose and plan for it, and for you dealing with it. Seek Him specifically, daily.

There are some answers and some help, but we gotta know and see this is a spiritual issue as well.

I hope that if you have a spouse with ADD that you are encouraged and know that you are not alone.

In the comments below, share how ADD has affected you or your marriage. Please share this post with others. Thank you.

Rose is married to a man who has ADD. I think her story will help others. To connect with Rose, you can find her: on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter or at her website Rose Barnett.

ADD Symptoms in adults, affects of ADD on marriage
a picture of a bible open with 2 wedding rings resting in the open spine.  Above the picture are the words: How ADD affects marriage. The words are in white surrounded by black and purple blocks. Below are the words: www.onedeterminedlife.com
A picture of a couple on their wedding day. They are in their wedding outfits. All you can see is their lower halves. The man is behinf with his arms around his wife- they hands are together and they are making a heart shape. Above the picture are the words: How ADD affects marriage. Below the words are: www.onedeterminedlife.com

16 responses to “How ADHD Affects Marriage”

  1. Leah Avatar

    My husband is bipolar, so he goes between behaving like he has ADHD to going 1000 miles a minute to depressed and watching Netflix ??‍♀️ This has made “submission” to his “leading” impossible. Oh, and he is in recovery for a drug addiction. Not a man you want to lead your family, no? But here’s the thing, it says that God created the woman to be the partner to the man because it was not good the man do it all alone. My husband cannot lead alone. However, with medication, therapy and Jesus (all of which his helper wife encouraged him to go to!) he has become the kind of man who can lead. He may need help sometimes still but overall, he is learning to lead in his own way. What works for him doesn’t for all husbands and that’s okay by me. I loved your post 🙂 mental health is difficult but thank goodness we have a God who shines in our weakness!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      I’m so glad you liked the blog post. I think it’s so important to share our stories and experiences. When my husband was dealing with general anxiety, I had no support. I put my head in the sand. Thanks for sharing your story

  2. Stacy Avatar

    My husband recently got diagnosed with ADD and also my oldest son even more recently. It gets tough and I get worn down, but knowing the cause has helped us cope and learn how to move in a better direction. We came up with a one year plan as a family to simplify so there is more peace and less distractions in our life. This was a great post. Thank you.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      I’m so glad your working it out and making a plan. Knowing why your husband or child is acting a certain way helps so much

  3. Jessica Bradshaw Avatar
    Jessica Bradshaw

    Thank you for this, Rose. Patience is a great virtue to carry out every day with everyone, but I believe there is a great reason it’s listed as the first Love is…

  4. Joy Avatar

    Thanks for your honesty. It brings new perspective to my “vision” for my marriage. Great insights!

  5. Beth Avatar

    Great insight. Patience, Prayer, and Purpose…so true! Well said.

  6. Joey (Big Teeth & Clouds) Avatar

    I don’t have any personal experience with this issue, but I can see how difficult it must be on a relationship. It’s difficult as a wife to follow, my husband jokes about this a lot because I actually find myself physically unable to follow when dancing. It reminds me of a line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, something about the husband is the head but the wife is the neck. She turns his attention to what he’s supposed to be looking at. In the absence of that, definitely prayer and patience!

  7. Natasha Granz Avatar
    Natasha Granz

    I find this very encouraging, especially because my husband has ADD. In fact, when I saw the post I thought to myself, I hope this is helpful for the WIFE lol. I use to struggle and take everything so personally, but over time, I’m starting to see how God is using this. He is so good to us and I love what He has done in our lives. We experience a closeness now in our marriage that we use to never believe is possible! We are still always learning and growing.

    Please see my blog at http://www.natashagrantzministries.com I’d love comments too <3 🙂

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      It can for sure be frustrating trying to figure it all out and see God’s hand in it all. But, once we do it turns all the frustration and hard times into blessings

  8. Emily Anne Avatar
    Emily Anne

    Thank you for sharing this story! So powerful!

  9. Liz Avatar

    Thanks for sharing your story, Rose! I’ll be passing this post and your three tips on to the ladies who are in the study group for my When Marriage Gets Messy series. Excellent advice. God’s good purpose can be for our sanctification, too! YES!! Blessings!

  10. Monica Avatar

    Wow wow wow. Just the post I needed to read this morning! I relate to this so much, however I’m the one in the relationship suffering from ADD. So thankful for her sharing her story.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      I’m so glad you read this. How has ADD affected your life/ marriage?

  11. Shaheen Khan Avatar

    I think leadership in marriage is a mutually shared role between both. And yes, all men certainly do not know how to lead. Wives need loads of patience to help them to lead more effectively and learn how to be flexible with pacing our expectations. Glad to read about this topic.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      Yes, I agree. We need to be patient with them and give them opportunity and support

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