How to make time for your marriage

How much time do you spend with your husband? Today I want to share with you how to make time for your marriage.

I know that for me, it never seems to be enough and I am always looking for ways to spend more time with my husband. 

A picture of a man kissing a women. They are off in the distance on a hill with a beautiful sunset. Above the picture are the words: How to make time for your marriage. Below the picture are the words: www.onedeterminedlife.com

My younger years

When I was a teenager, I was attending a bible study with older married women. Some of the things they said, at the time, made no sense to me.

They said things about their marriage like:

  • We never spend any time together.
  • We never see each Other

It confused me because, at this point, I was dating and thought: How can two people who live in the same house never see each other?

I have now been married for ten years and completely understand.

Life is busy! Just being in the same living space does not make you close to one another.

It’s easy to let kids work, or even The Lord’s service gets you so busy you don’t have time or energy for your spouse.

If you neglect time with each other, soon enough you will become like roommates or just people who help each other raise the children.

According to W. Bradford Wilcox and Jeffrey Dew “People who spent quality time with their partner at least once a week were 3.5 times more likely to report being ‘very happy’ in their relationship compared to those who didn’t. Quality time can strengthen your relationship in several ways.”

The Right Type of Time

In over ten years of marriage I have discovered that it’s not the amount of time you spend together that matters, it’s the quality of the time you spend together that counts.

Quality time does not need to be some elaborate date or a rare experience. It can be at your kitchen table, or in the living room doing something you love.

During our busiest times in life, my husband and I will just sit at the kitchen table and drink tea together. This would maybe take 10-15 min, We just sit together at the table and talk about our days.

We discuss things that are coming up in our lives. Lately, we have taken more time to pray for each other, our children and the people we know.

Those times together have been the most special because we are having real and deep conversations. They sometimes don’t last long, but just spending those minutes together connects us in a meaningful way.

Other Marriage Blog Posts

4 ways to make time for your marriage  

1. Schedule a regular date

Once a year, my husband and I will sit down and think about the next year. We will talk about our commitments and everything we need to do.

We both understand that we each need family time, alone time, service time and guy/girl time and together time.

All these commitments are hard to juggle, but we make it work. We know that we won’t have time each week for all of those things. So, we schedule our days so that we can balance all these things.

One thing that we find important is having a regular date night. For us, that means that once a week we have no other commitments and it’s a  time for just the 2 of us. We often just stay in but it’s a night we can both count on having together.

2. Set a time

Maybe your schedule is insane or you have a hard time dedicating one night to date night. If that is the case, then consider having a set time each day when you can connect with each other.

For my husband and I, no matter what is going on in our days, we always try to call each other at lunch. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and we can’t talk so we will leave a message. I always look forward to a lunchtime call. It’s a great way to break up the day,  but to catch up on our day.

I am not a morning person, so my husband often leaves the house with only a kiss goodbye. Most days, our lunchtime phone call is the first time we have talked all day.

3. First things First

When my daughter was one my husband went back to school full-time. He was a dedicated student and was top of his class that year. That accomplishment took time.

But, no matter how much time he spent doing homework, he always spent time with us first.

He would spend all day at school, then come home and have dinner with us. After dinner, he would play with our daughter and put her to bed. After her bedtime, we would spend 10-15 min just chatting and then he would get to work.

I knew his schoolwork was important, but by spending time with me first, he showed me that I was more important and that he always had time for me.

Even now, my husband often will do work at home at night, but only after he has spent time with me first.

4. Say no

Your marriage should be at the top of your priority list. If your life is too busy with other things to have some regular quality time together, it may be time to reconsider everything you’re involved in.

My husband and I say no to many things to be able to have time with each other and with our kids. For us, our time together is more important so we regularly say no to many good things.  

Since our children are still small and we have to drive them we have decided to only do one extracurricular activity a week.

There are many good things that we could be doing or could be a part of. But for now, we have said no to many things so that we can focus on hanging a balanced life. One where we don’t hectic or overrun with responsibilities.

Each marriage is different so what may work for my husband and I may not work for you.

Some couples thrive on busy social lives. The most important thing to do is to make sure that what you are doing is strengthening your marriage.

In the comments below, share your tips on what you do to make time for your marriage. Please share this blog post with others. Thank you.

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56 responses to “How to make time for your marriage”

  1. Ashley Z. Avatar
    Ashley Z.

    I saw this post on Pinterest and I’m glad I read it! I have definitely had to say “no” to certain things in my life RIGHT NOW in fact… it’s so hard to say no to things that make me happy but I desperately miss the time I used to spend with my husband and I want it back so it’s 100% worth the sacrifice!!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      It is hard to say no, certainly to things that are good. But, it’s good to remember that marriage and time with your husband are so worth the sacrifice! Thanks for reading and commenting

  2. Crystal Avatar
    Crystal

    I love this. Such a great write-up of why and how to make our marriage an actual priority in our lives. Thank you!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      So glad you liked it

    2. Anne Markey Avatar

      I am so glad you liked it. Thank you for reading and commenting

  3. Andrea Avatar
    Andrea

    I would imagine that anything good takes time and lots of it – but it’s so worth it

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      It is so worth it! Thanks for reading and commenting

  4. Beth Avatar

    Just saying No has been a huge one for me. We have to fight for healthy marriages and fighting for time is part of it. 🙂 Good stuff!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      Saying no can be hard but so worth it

  5. Javon Avatar

    Great thoughts! I think the “right kind of time” also goes back to what your love language is like if he would appreciate more service oriented or gifting, etc. Knowing each other helps us to know what kind of time they would appreciate. Thanks!

  6. Lisa Avatar

    Marriage takes time and commitment, and open, honest discussion about spending quality time together will have a positive impact on the long-term relationship. We must make the effort, it will be so worth it. Life did get busy with three daughters, we had to be intentional about setting aside time for each other. Almost 30 years later I can say we still have a date night. We both work a long office day on Tuesday so this year we are making it our date night. Both too tired to cook that day so we have dinner out, what makes it fun is that we have to go to a new restaurant that we haven’t tried before. We have both been enjoying this time together, exploring new places and foods.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      What a great idea. I love that you pointed out that the stages of life change too. As things change in our lives then so might date night or work and so on.

  7. Prerna Garg Avatar
    Prerna Garg

    Every relationship needs to be given time to nurture. And I completely agree with all your points. Even if it is 15 minutes in the morning over a cup of tea, it is important to sit together and have a conversation.

  8. Mandy Allen Avatar

    I know so many people who have a ‘date night’ and they see to get so much from it. Not just the night itself but planning it and discussing what they will do. It sounds like a great idea, so are the other points you raise here.

    Enjoy the journey!

  9. Lauren C. Moye Avatar

    Love it! I definitely understand business in life. What you said is so true though. It’s not about the quantity of time as it is about the quality of time. I’ll take thirty minutes of distraction-free time with my husband over a day of us fiddling with phones, etc.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      Me too!! But my husband thinks quality time is just being in the same room, that makes him happy but for me it’s conversation, so we make time for both

  10. Liz @ elizabethcolette Avatar

    I love this post. You do have to make your relationship a priority, otherwise it won’t feel important. I’m going to try to fit in more us time. Thanks for the reminder!

  11. Lianna Avatar

    I most definitely loved this post so much even though I am not married. The reason why is I was able to learn & have a good inside look in how marriage is and how to make time for your spouse! Thank you for sharing!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      I tried to read as much about marriage and relationships as I could before I got married. It helped me have the marriage I have today. Thanks for reading

  12. Alysha Avatar
    Alysha

    I’m not married but I can appreciate a good relationship article. Doesn’t hurt to look on the other side of the fence, I suppose.

  13. Jessica Avatar

    You are so right that kids can consume us in our marriage. I know my husband and I get caught up in our kids and then we forget about us. We have made it a point to watch a TV show together after our kids are in bed, especially if we don’t go out on an actual date. We also try to do in home dates and have a special dinner after our kids are in bed. It is definitely important to make time for marriage.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      Sounds exactly like what we do

  14. Sabrina Chapiel Avatar
    Sabrina Chapiel

    Saying “no” when you need to is so important. One of the best pieces of advice not just for marriage but life in general.

    We live on a farm, so date nights away from home really are not possible. But once every couple of weeks we watch a movie together and just enjoy each others company in peace (after kids are asleep!!). We love it.

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