How to make time for your marriage

How much time do you spend with your husband? Today I want to share with you how to make time for your marriage.

I know that for me, it never seems to be enough and I am always looking for ways to spend more time with my husband. 

A picture of a man kissing a women. They are off in the distance on a hill with a beautiful sunset. Above the picture are the words: How to make time for your marriage. Below the picture are the words: www.onedeterminedlife.com

My younger years

When I was a teenager, I was attending a bible study with older married women. Some of the things they said, at the time, made no sense to me.

They said things about their marriage like:

  • We never spend any time together.
  • We never see each Other

It confused me because, at this point, I was dating and thought: How can two people who live in the same house never see each other?

I have now been married for ten years and completely understand.

Life is busy! Just being in the same living space does not make you close to one another.

It’s easy to let kids work, or even The Lord’s service gets you so busy you don’t have time or energy for your spouse.

If you neglect time with each other, soon enough you will become like roommates or just people who help each other raise the children.

According to W. Bradford Wilcox and Jeffrey Dew “People who spent quality time with their partner at least once a week were 3.5 times more likely to report being ‘very happy’ in their relationship compared to those who didn’t. Quality time can strengthen your relationship in several ways.”

The Right Type of Time

In over ten years of marriage I have discovered that it’s not the amount of time you spend together that matters, it’s the quality of the time you spend together that counts.

Quality time does not need to be some elaborate date or a rare experience. It can be at your kitchen table, or in the living room doing something you love.

During our busiest times in life, my husband and I will just sit at the kitchen table and drink tea together. This would maybe take 10-15 min, We just sit together at the table and talk about our days.

We discuss things that are coming up in our lives. Lately, we have taken more time to pray for each other, our children and the people we know.

Those times together have been the most special because we are having real and deep conversations. They sometimes don’t last long, but just spending those minutes together connects us in a meaningful way.

Other Marriage Blog Posts

4 ways to make time for your marriage  

1. Schedule a regular date

Once a year, my husband and I will sit down and think about the next year. We will talk about our commitments and everything we need to do.

We both understand that we each need family time, alone time, service time and guy/girl time and together time.

All these commitments are hard to juggle, but we make it work. We know that we won’t have time each week for all of those things. So, we schedule our days so that we can balance all these things.

One thing that we find important is having a regular date night. For us, that means that once a week we have no other commitments and it’s a  time for just the 2 of us. We often just stay in but it’s a night we can both count on having together.

2. Set a time

Maybe your schedule is insane or you have a hard time dedicating one night to date night. If that is the case, then consider having a set time each day when you can connect with each other.

For my husband and I, no matter what is going on in our days, we always try to call each other at lunch. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and we can’t talk so we will leave a message. I always look forward to a lunchtime call. It’s a great way to break up the day,  but to catch up on our day.

I am not a morning person, so my husband often leaves the house with only a kiss goodbye. Most days, our lunchtime phone call is the first time we have talked all day.

3. First things First

When my daughter was one my husband went back to school full-time. He was a dedicated student and was top of his class that year. That accomplishment took time.

But, no matter how much time he spent doing homework, he always spent time with us first.

He would spend all day at school, then come home and have dinner with us. After dinner, he would play with our daughter and put her to bed. After her bedtime, we would spend 10-15 min just chatting and then he would get to work.

I knew his schoolwork was important, but by spending time with me first, he showed me that I was more important and that he always had time for me.

Even now, my husband often will do work at home at night, but only after he has spent time with me first.

4. Say no

Your marriage should be at the top of your priority list. If your life is too busy with other things to have some regular quality time together, it may be time to reconsider everything you’re involved in.

My husband and I say no to many things to be able to have time with each other and with our kids. For us, our time together is more important so we regularly say no to many good things.  

Since our children are still small and we have to drive them we have decided to only do one extracurricular activity a week.

There are many good things that we could be doing or could be a part of. But for now, we have said no to many things so that we can focus on hanging a balanced life. One where we don’t hectic or overrun with responsibilities.

Each marriage is different so what may work for my husband and I may not work for you.

Some couples thrive on busy social lives. The most important thing to do is to make sure that what you are doing is strengthening your marriage.

In the comments below, share your tips on what you do to make time for your marriage. Please share this blog post with others. Thank you.

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56 responses to “How to make time for your marriage”

  1. Audrey Avatar
    Audrey

    Love this post and completely agree. Far too often marriage gets shifted to the bottom of our list when it needs to remain at the top.

  2. Vivienne McLemore Avatar
    Vivienne McLemore

    Time together is so important. My husband and I spend a ton of time together and I think that is why we still act like newlyweds five years and a child later. Quality of time is key, but so is quantity. We maximize our time together when my husband isn’t deployed!

  3. Alexandra Avatar
    Alexandra

    Great post. I am going to apply this to my relationship (not married yet). My boyfriend and I love walking to little coffee shops around the city. Thats our kind of date!

  4. Mattie Avatar

    The lunch time call is a great idea!
    My husband and I spend 15-30 minutes each day right after we both get home from work and talk about highlights from the day and plan for anything out of the norm for the next day. We also spend time praying together right before we go to sleep. That has been one of the best things for our marriage.

  5. James Avatar
    James

    Will definitely keep this in mind, when it is my time. Great read!

  6. Cathy Avatar

    There are some helpful pointers here. It can be so easy to neglect our marriages when babies come along. This has been a helpful reminder of what to prioritize.

  7. Rosanna@ExtraordinaryEverydayMom Avatar

    These are all great tips! We will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary next month and I can relate to thinking the same things early on in our marriage. I really like the idea of looking at the calendar for the whole year. We do it monthly, but I’ve been thinking of doing it for 2 months at a time so that it doesn’t seem like it goes by so fast. Two things my husband and I have done to connect are: #1: Weekly at-home date nights. (every Saturday night is designated for date nights) #2: We always sit together after supper and visit for 20-30 minutes now that our kids are a tiny bit older. When they were younger it was sometimes only 10-15 minutes.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      That’s awesome!! It’s amazing what 10-14 min of together time can do for a marriage

  8. Mihaela Echols Avatar

    Oh my gosh yes!!! marriage is so important and needs to be worked on in all the seasons you go through. We are growing with our best friend. So many people need to read this.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      Feel free to share it with your friends!!

  9. Sarah Avatar

    This really is such an important topic! I can tell when my husband and I haven’t been out in a while because we start to get snippy at each other. We try to go out on a date night at LEAST once every 2-3 weeks.

  10. candy Avatar

    Every friday night for the last 35 years we have a date night. Never miss.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      That’s awesome!!

  11. Katina @deskofkatinadavenport Avatar
    Katina @deskofkatinadavenport

    We have 3 young children as well and it can be difficult to schedule time. Yesterday we scheduled a date yesterday for Mother’s Day after brunch at my mom’s house. She agreed to watch the children. After brunch was over they were crying to be with us. They had so much fun celebrating Mother’s Day and wanted to continue. So I canceled the date but had my brother come by so my husband and I could watch a movie. I will have to reschedule the date but at least we still found a way to make time for each other. So I’m looking forward to a date this week 🙂

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      It’s all a balance. Sometimes in the moment the kids come first but I am glad that you are trying to get that one on one time

  12. Dayna Avatar

    I am not married but many of these points are really helpful for any type of long-term relationship! Thank you.

  13. Michelle Farris Avatar

    Thanks Anne! I agree that spending quality time together is essential – and sometimes that means different things to each partner so checking that out really helps!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      Yes, for my husband he just needs to sit next to me. For me, I need real conversation

  14. Jenn Avatar
    Jenn

    Love reading this! It is hard to remember to make time for one and another sometimes. This is a post that engaged couples should read before saying I DO!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      Thanks!! I agree! We were so blessed with so. U have wisdom before we got married, so we have been able to have some of these things before we got started. The good news is: it’s never too late to start!!

  15. Elena Avatar

    I have just started blogging and I spend all my time in front of my computer. This post is a great reminder that I have to change something.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      I started blogging 6 months ago and it took me a few months to learn the balance between my family and my blog. It’s not perfect every day, but I seem to have found a good rhythm. I am sure you will too!! Feel free to contact me if you need help with this.

  16. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Love this! There was a brief point in our marriage where I got so “busy” saying yes to everything and trying to conquer the world that my husband and I spent most of our time apart and disagreeing on things. When I learned to say “no” and put my marriage as my first priority every single part of our family life and happiness improved.

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      I am so glad that you have been able to see a difference in your marriage and family. Saying no can be hard, but it’s key to making sure we have time for our spouses

  17. Candice Avatar

    I have now been married for almost 19 years! I wish I had known some of these things when we were during the early stages in our marriage!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      What’s great about life is that we can always learn and grow. I am sure there will be things I wish I knew!

  18. Amberly Avatar
    Amberly

    Great read. It seems so hard to find quality time to spend together but it’s so important! Scheduling date night is a must!!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      Date nights are great!

  19. Alicia Avatar

    It’s really easy to let the kids (in my case) take priority: soccer games, homework, music lessons, working full time, travel… the list can go on. Love your list to make it a priority!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      What is hard is that all hose things are good too! We each have to find ways to make sure we have time for our spouse

  20. stephanie parrell Avatar

    This is a sweet post! I have recently been setting a weekly date as I know that it is important to spend quality time not just time togeather!

    1. Anne Markey Avatar

      It is important and we can easily forget to make it a priority

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