8 Ways to teach children good behaviour

As a parent, every single day brings new challenges and things I need to learn. One thing that does stay consistent is my desire to teach my children good behaviour. Today, I want to share 8 ways to teach children good behaviour.

As a parent, every single day brings new challenges and things I need to learn. One thing that does stay consistent is my desire to teach my children good behaviour. Today, I want to share 8 ways to teach children good behaviour.

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Over the years, I have found that there are a few key ways in which children learn best. 

In today’s post, I will share with you 8 ways I teach my children good behaviour.

8 ways to teach children good behaviour

1. Role-Play

One of the best ways to teach children good behaviour is to do a little role play.

If you are not sure how your child may act in a certain citation, it may be a good idea to role-play. There is a good reason that schools have fire drills. That way, when the real thing happens, students know what to, they don’t have to stop and think.

Similarly, you can role-play how to respond to criticism, or bullying or even role-play sharing. As your child plays out how they may respond, you can see which areas they are already confident in and which areas need to focus on.


2. Reading Stories

Another great way to teach children good behaviour is by reading stories to them.

We all grew up with fables and other such stories. Nowadays if there is a problem you are facing with certain behaviour chances are there is a kids book about it.

Reading stories is a fantastic way to learn the desired behaviour. While reading the stories, as a parent, you can ask leading questions. Such questions will help you know what your child thinks about the citation and how they would deal with the same scenario.

Reading books may also help your child know that they are not alone in their struggle. They will be able to relate to the character and see that there can be different ways to deal with citations.

Some stories I have read to my children teach fantastic life lessons

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3. Repetition

One of the ways we can teach children good behaviour is by repeating, repeating, repeating.

The more you say something, the more likely your child will remember. If I had a dollar for every time I said: what do we say when somebody gives us something?

But because I said this so often when they were young, I hardly have to remind them of their manners now and they are very polite.

I hate hearing, using and saying the same thing over and over and over again but it does pay off in the long run.

4. Teachable moment

The best time to drive a lesson home if after the tantrum and once your child has settled down.

You can bring your child on your lap or beside you and take the time to say: this is why I gave you a time out, you can’t act like this. It’s also a good chance to tell them your expected behaviour for future instances.

5. Give 2nd chances

I don’t expect my children to always remember how to act in every situation. So sometimes, when my daughter comes in the room with a bad attitude I give her a second chance.

I will look at her and say: try again. But maybe I should say the 5th chance because sometimes I give her that many times to get her tone right.

This gives her an opportunity to change her mood without me having to discipline her for her tone and we can focus on why she came to talk to me.

6. Mimic

My eldest daughter has a strong attitude and if often comes out in the way she speaks to me. But often instead of disciplining her for the way she is speaking to me, I will say: please say; mom, I would like to talk to you.

I say it in the tone of voice I want her to use. This sets my expectation for her and she knows how I want to be talked to.

7. By example

We all know the saying: talk is cheap. We can tell our kids something a million times and correct them all day long, but if our behaviour does not match our words then our children will follow suit.

Kids are not stupid. They pick up on our mood, coping mechanisms, and habits.

So the best way we can teach our children self-control, anger management and every other behaviour is by living out our lives the way we want our children to act.

8. It takes a village

I often find that when mom says something, the instruction goes in one ear and out the other. But, I have noticed that when my children are corrected by other adults my children actually stop and listen.

We know that it takes a village to raise a child and this for me is the number one reason I want to surround myself and my children with people who are like-minded.

That way, the chances are my husband and I will not be the only adults in our child’s lives that expect certain behaviours from them.

In the comments below, share how you teach your children good behaviour.

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5 Things parenting experts don’t tell you about discipline

If you are like me, you have spent hours searching the internet or reading books looking for advice on disciplining your children. In this post, I will share with you 5 things that parenting experts don’t tell you about discipline.

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When I had my first child, I had no clue what I was doing. I now have 3 kids and I still have many days when I feel like I have no clue what I’m doing 😉

One of the things I continually look for is advice on discipline. I want new strategies or tips to see if maybe I am missing something that will have my kids behave.

After doing extensive reading and going over lots of information, I have discovered that each piece I have read has had something missing. Everyone gives advice on the best way to discipline kids.

So, I have decided to fill in some of those blanks.

5 things that parenting experts don’t tell you about discipline

1. It may not work for you

One of the first things I realized that experts don’t tell you about discipline is that what may work for one may not work for the other.

Every child is different and one strategy that one parent shares may have zero impact on your own child.

If you even suggest that this strategy does not seem to be working for you then people will respond by telling you that you are obviously not doing it right and that you have no clue what you’re doing.

The truth is that your child may just not respond to a particular tactic.

2. It may work, but only a few times

Another frustrating that people don’t tell you about discipline is that the strategy you picked may not work all the time.

You have finally found something that works!!! Yeah!!!! A few weeks later, you use the same tactic you have been using for weeks and it no longer works.

This may be for a few reasons. The first is that young children grow in and out of stages very quickly. As they transition, how they react to certain strategies may change as well.

The second is that children are smart. They might have figured out what’s your doing and are no longer want to go along with what you’re trying to do.

3. It may work for this kid, but not the next

Your first child was easy. You got this parenting business down so you decide to have a second. You have a list of discipline strategies that worked like a dream for child 1 and think: I have no clue why people find this so hard.

Enter child #2!! You try and try and try, and nothing you do seems to work. You use the same strategies at the same stages and your child still does not toe the line. Why?? Well, your kids are not the same.

They won’t react the same way to a certain tactic as each other. You might have to find a whole new bag of strategies for each child you have.

4. Your child is too young for this strategy

I read parenting books and regularly think: wow, that would never fly for my 2-year-old. Or, I think: so what age is this strategy good for?

For some reason, books never suggest an age. It’s easy to read a book and think it’s a fantastic idea.

But then you try it out and realize that your child is not developed enough to understand what you’re trying to do.

Don’t throw the strategy out the door, just maybe put it on the shelf and try again when your child is older.

5. Time requirement

Training children takes time. When I say time, I don’t mean minutes or hours. I mean days, months and years.

There are some concepts that I have been working on with my children for years and they still don’t seem to understand. But don’t lose heart, because one day they do get it and it gets better.

In the comments below, share what parenting truths that you feel are left out of books.

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9 ways to reduce arguments with kids 

If your house is like mine, there are always arguments going on. I don’t like arguments and I am always looking for ways to reduce the amount of fighting in our house. Today, I am going to share with you 9 ways to reduce arguments with kids.

In our house, most of the arguments are between my kids. But more often than not, the arguments are between me and my child. And if you are like me, then you like to win those arguments.

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Sometimes I feel like I am picking the battle just to win so I can show that I can. This makes for a more hostile house and something I desperately want to change.

I came to this realization a few weeks ago after an encounter with my eldest daughter.

The conversation went a bit like this: 

Me: come here

Child: What?

Me: COME HERE!

Child: WHAT?
Me: COME HERE!!!!!!!!!

My child finally comes into the room
Me: I want you to come the first time I call you!

Child: I could not hear you!

Me: then why did you say what? You should come to me when you heard me!

What happened next

At this point, I forgot why I wanted to talk to her and instead spent the time giving her a consequence for not obeying me when I first called and for giving me attitude when she did eventually come.

After this incident, I had time to reflect on the scene. It was not the first time this had happened and I knew that it would keep happening… Unless I changed something.

Why was it so important that she come to me? 

After much reflection, I realized that I wanted her to come to me because I was lazy. My frustration did not stem from wanting her to obey. It came because I actually had to move and get up and do something about what was going on. I had been lying down in bed and I did not want to get up. My laziness factor had kicked in and I wanted her obedience to trump my unwillingness to move.

My selfishness became so evident to me. I could have avoided this whole scene had I not been so lazy.

The argument got me thinking about ways I could reduce the arguments in the house. So here are my 9 ways I can reduce arguments with my child.

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9 ways to reduce arguments with your kids

1. Seek Them out

The best way to reduce arguments with kids is to seek out my child. When I want to talk to my child, instead of calling to her over and over, I will call her once and if she can’t hear me I will get up and go find her. When I find her, I will then talk to her.

2. Give direction 

Sometimes I ask my kids to do something and they don’t actually understand what I want them to do. They do their best to obey, but I end up frustrated because the end result was not what I had originally wanted.

One way to decrease misunderstanding is to make sure my child understands exactly what I want by giving clear directions.

3. Set the Tone

I find that if I am upset or frustrated, my children mirror that back to me. To reduce the tension in the house, I need to be an example of how I want my children to speak.

If I speak politely to them in my frustration, they will learn (eventually) that they can also be frustrated but still speak without yelling.

4. Change the mood

When my kids are driving me crazy, it’s easy to turn around and snap at them or become frustrated with them. One way I keep from blowing up is by changing my mood.

Instead of yelling, I put some music on and dance or tickle them. These things make us smile and laugh and I tend to forget why I was mad.

5. Ask the child to repeat

When I ask my children to do something, I ask them to repeat what I said. By doing so, we both understand what is expected and it helps clarify any misunderstandings.

If my child can’t repeat what I said, then they won’t be able to do what I asked. When they know what to do and what is expected, they are more likely to do it.

6. Pray

The fastest way for me to calm down is to pray. I pray for patience and understanding. I pray for wisdom and grace. Every moment with my children I am afraid that what comes out of my mouth will scar them for life.

By taking a moment and praying, I usually keep myself from saying something I regret or using a tone I did not mean.

7. Let it go

I oftentimes forget that my kids are small and don’t understand the world like I do. I usually expect them to have my standards. Once I remember that they are small, I lower my standards and let some things slide.

For example:

Last week as I was cleaning the bathroom I found candy wrappers on the floor. I suspected that my eldest daughter had found some candy and eaten it without permission.

She knows the rules: you can’t eat anything without asking Mom first. She also knows that candy is a treat and is only eaten on special occasions.

Lately, she has been breaking a lot of rules and being sneaky. I have spent countless of hours going over proper behaviour and punishing her for disobeying.

I could have easily found her, asked her a question and given her a consequence. This time, I chose to let it go. I had no real evidence that she was the one to eat the candy.

This may be an unpopular opinion but, I think it’s ok for kids to get away with a thing or 2. Since I am addressing the larger issues on a regular basis, catching every act will only drive her further away.

8. Give them grace

One of the things that I love most about God is His grace towards us. He regularly does not give us the punishment we need. He regularly does not show His anger and frustration towards us.

My task as a parent is to show my children God’s character. One of the ways to do that is to be like God and to show grace. When my children disobey, I sometimes will choose to not give them the punishment they deserve.

9. Pick your battles 

The last thing we can do to reduce arguments with kids is to pick our battle. Some fights are not worth the effort you put in. For me to win an argument with my daughter, it takes so much energy and time. Sometimes, that energy and time is not productive and would best be spent focused on other things.

For example, I let my youngest choose if she wants to get dressed or stay in her pj’s. She is 4 and does not go to school. On days we stay home, there is no reason for her to get dressed. So, if she does not want to, fighting her about it does not seem to be worth the effort for me.

I am often the reason that I get into arguments with my kids. I a. Either lazy, tired or just done with the day. But if I step back for just a moment, I realize that I can sometimes diffuse the circumstances by using some of these strategies.

In the comments below, share how you decrease arguments with your children. Please share this post with others. Thank you.

One thing to do to have a better relationship with my child

Over the last 10 years, I have tried very hard to have a good relationship with my children. But, as I reflect, I realised that there was one thing I could do to have a better relationship with my child.

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What was holding me back

If you’re like me, you love to have control over things in your life. One of the things I love having control over is my children’s behaviour and the choices they make.

I want my children to choose the things that I would choose. Mainly, I want them to obey me and do as they are told.

I like total and complete obedience. I want my kids to obey me right away with no argument.
After having many confrontations with my daughter, I realised that having this expectation of my children made things more stressful around the house.

My focus was on complete obedience and not on my relationship with my child. I had to learn to let go of some control.

But I have learned that this mindset does not lead to a better relationship with my child.

When I stepped back, I realised that I was not happy trying to control my child’s behaviour.

Since I stopped trying to control the outcome, it has helped me in disciplining my children and has given me a better relationship with my child.

My children are strong and independent and have minds of their own. That means that when I have an idea, they don’t always agree with me and always seem to have a ”better” way or another plan.

Before I started letting go, I found myself in a constant battle with my kids. It was exhausting.

So I had to decide that having a good relationship with my kids was more important to me than having control over the outcome or the situation.

One thing to do to have a better relationship with my child

1. I had to change my thought process.

To help me change my thought process, I tried to incorporate these 2 things:

  1. why do you want it done this way? Is it really that important?
  2. my child maybe 7, but maybe her way is better and we could do it that way.

To change my behaviour, I had to change my thought process.

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My motivation:

This first thing I had to do was analyse my motivation. Why was it so important that they I had to have this done my way?

After some soul searching, I realised that I wanted to feel control over the outcome. I was afraid that if I did not have absolute obedience right away then I was not a good “Christian” mom.

Leaving room for my child to question me made me feel like I was letting her rule the house. I was letting my fear dictate my behaviour.

My realization

The next time my daughter questioned me or did not respond to me as I wanted, I actually listened.

THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT MY CHILD HAS ABSOLUTE CONTROL OR THAT SHE RULES THE HOUSE … But it does mean that I have become a bit more flexible. Let me give you an example.

I say something like: Please set the table. She responds: I am just finishing drawing a picture!

I have 2 choices

  • Get mad that I was not absolutely obeyed on the spot.
  • Let my child finish her task and have her come when she is done.

This way, my child has no choice in the task I am asking her to complete, but there is a choice of when she can do it. She has some flexibility.

This may seem like a simple example. But there were dozens of these small moments during the day. I wanted something done a certain way and would get frustrated when it was not done to my standard.

By letting go of some control and giving my child more flexibility greatly reduced the amount of time I spend reprimanding her. Not only that, but it gave her confidence that she does have good ideas, that I hear her, and that her opinion matters to me.

I find that by giving her that flexibility has also made her more willing to obey and has also resulted in her doing things around the house without me asking.

In the comments below, share how control affects your relationships. Please share this post with others. Thank you.

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